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Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY; JAQUES behind
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Come apace, good Audrey: I will fetch up your
goats, Audrey. And how, Audrey? am I the man yet?
doth my simple feature content you?
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Your features! Lord warrant us! what features!
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I am here with thee and thy goats, as the most
capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths.
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Aside O knowledge ill-inhabited, worse than Jove
in a thatched house!
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When a man's verses cannot be understood, nor a
man's good wit seconded with the forward child
Understanding, it strikes a man more dead than a
great reckoning in a little room. Truly, I would
the gods had made thee poetical.
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I do not know what 'poetical' is: is it honest in
deed and word? is it a true thing?
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No, truly; for the truest poetry is the most
feigning; and lovers are given to poetry, and what
they swear in poetry may be said as lovers they do feign.
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Do you wish then that the gods had made me poetical?
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I do, truly; for thou swearest to me thou art
honest: now, if thou wert a poet, I might have some
hope thou didst feign.
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Would you not have me honest?
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No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favoured; for
honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar.
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Aside A material fool!
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Well, I am not fair; and therefore I pray the gods
make me honest.
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Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut
were to put good meat into an unclean dish.
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I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul.
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Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness!
sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may
be, I will marry thee, and to that end I have been
with Sir Oliver Martext, the vicar of the next
village, who hath promised to meet me in this place
of the forest and to couple us.
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Aside I would fain see this meeting.
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Well, the gods give us joy!
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Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful heart,
stagger in this attempt; for here we have no temple
but the wood, no assembly but horn-beasts. But what
though? Courage! As horns are odious, they are
necessary. It is said, 'many a man knows no end of
his goods:' right; many a man has good horns, and
knows no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of
his wife; 'tis none of his own getting. Horns?
Even so. Poor men alone? No, no; the noblest deer
hath them as huge as the rascal. Is the single man
therefore blessed? No: as a walled town is more
worthier than a village, so is the forehead of a
married man more honourable than the bare brow of a
bachelor; and by how much defence is better than no
skill, by so much is a horn more precious than to
want. Here comes Sir Oliver.
Enter SIR OLIVER MARTEXT
Sir Oliver Martext, you are well met: will you
dispatch us here under this tree, or shall we go
with you to your chapel?
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Is there none here to give the woman?
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I will not take her on gift of any man.
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Truly, she must be given, or the marriage is not lawful.
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Advancing
Proceed, proceed I'll give her.
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Good even, good Master What-ye-call't: how do you,
sir? You are very well met: God 'ild you for your
last company: I am very glad to see you: even a
toy in hand here, sir: nay, pray be covered.
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Will you be married, motley?
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As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his curb and
the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and
as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling.
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And will you, being a man of your breeding, be
married under a bush like a beggar? Get you to
church, and have a good priest that can tell you
what marriage is: this fellow will but join you
together as they join wainscot; then one of you will
prove a shrunk panel and, like green timber, warp, warp.
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Aside I am not in the mind but I were better to be
married of him than of another: for he is not like
to marry me well; and not being well married, it
will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife.
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Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee.
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'Come, sweet Audrey:
We must be married, or we must live in bawdry.
Farewell, good Master Oliver: not,--
O sweet Oliver,
O brave Oliver,
Leave me not behind thee: but,--
Wind away,
Begone, I say,
I will not to wedding with thee.
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Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY
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'Tis no matter: ne'er a fantastical knave of them
all shall flout me out of my calling.
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Exit