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Enter SPEED and LAUNCE severally
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Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!
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Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not
welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never
undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a
place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess
say 'Welcome!'
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Come on, you madcap, I'll to the alehouse with you
presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou
shalt have five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how
did thy master part with Madam Julia?
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Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very
fairly in jest.
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But shall she marry him?
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No.
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How then? shall he marry her?
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No, neither.
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What, are they broken?
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No, they are both as whole as a fish.
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Why, then, how stands the matter with them?
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Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it
stands well with her.
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What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.
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What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My
staff understands me.
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What thou sayest?
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Ay, and what I do too: look thee, I'll but lean,
and my staff understands me.
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It stands under thee, indeed.
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Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.
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But tell me true, will't be a match?
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Ask my dog: if he say ay, it will! if he say no,
it will; if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.
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The conclusion is then that it will.
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Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.
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'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how sayest
thou, that my master is become a notable lover?
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I never knew him otherwise.
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Than how?
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A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.
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Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakest me.
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Why, fool, I meant not thee; I meant thy master.
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I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.
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Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself
in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse;
if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the
name of a Christian.
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Why?
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Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to
go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?
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At thy service.
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Exeunt